Happy Holidays with the Family
- or- A Recipe for Boundaries
Note: I would like to share a recipe for
setting your boundaries with your friends and family. The foundation
of this recipe is that you ARE already actively working on your self-care
& self-acceptance (If you are not yet doing this, please come
back to www.KellyBliss.com in January to enjoy our FREE online chat, reading
other clients journals, and more.) Once you know in your heart that
you are in the process of improving your self-care you can use this recipe
with confidence. Remember, you only need to START this process
of self-care to enjoy the confidence that helps you set boundaries.
5 Step Recipe
When a caring (or boundary transgressing) friend or family member makes any critical comment about your weight, size, clothes, or food, here are five sure fire steps to setting a clear boundary:
- I know you are concerned (they need to feel heard or they will keep talking)
- But I am already working on my healthy living process.
- And your comments cause problems for me rather than helping
- So it would be better if we closed this subject
- Then, YOU change the subject : "Wow, the weather has been cold lately!"
When (not 'if', but 'when') the other person steps over your boundary again, you set it again.
may feel monotonous to you. That's OK. It will feel monotonous
to them too. They will feel like they have hit a wall and cannot
get through to you. They did. And that is good. You
are working on your self-care in a new way. You don't need the same
old advice from your past.
You may need to repeat these five steps from 3 to 30 times before the
other person really believes you. After all, you probably have participated
in years of diet talk with them in the past. Give them time to adjust
to your new boundaries and the new self-care / self-accepting you!
Practice these five steps in your mind. Practice often. That way, when you need to use the recipe, you will be fluid in the use of this powerful boundary setting too.
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holiday wish for you : Four
May you always have HOPE!
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