[KellyBliss] Did you get the eNewsletter today?
[Maggie] Yes, thanks for that. It's great!
[ladyluck216] yes, thanks!
[KellyBliss] We will be having monthly chats and I will send an eNewsletter or invitation each time.
[KellyBliss] First, let's celebrate some of our self care successes. What is going goood for you?
[ladyluck216] Not beating myself up for what I am eating
[Maggie] hmmm...doing better with eating more fruits & veggies.
[Maggie] Not at 5/day or anything, but BETTER!!
[KellyBliss] better counts!
[KellyBliss] As a matter of fact BETTER is all that counts.
[Maggie] YAY! :)
[KellyBliss] So ... what do you wish you could improve upon?
[KellyBliss] What do you need to be better?
[Maggie] I need to learn to relax, destress. For some reason, i know what i'm "supposed" to do, but i don't do it.
[ladyluck216] Same here
[Maggie] Oh - what do i need? just saw the question. A housekeeper would be great for starters! LOL
[KellyBliss] I was impressed by the research that I linked to in the eNewsletter that showed that women who feel better about their bodies find it easier to eat better. I think that may be part of reducing stress.
[KellyBliss] housekeeper and gardener
[Maggie] AMEN!! I loved that...it made SOOOO much more sense!!
[Maggie] And COOK
[KellyBliss] Reducing stress needs to be something that does not take any time ... or else fitting it in becomes a stress.
[KellyBliss] A handsome cook
[Maggie] Yeah..i think u hit the nail on the head.
[KellyBliss] I digress
[KellyBliss] I was talking about a stress reducer in my fitness class today...
[KellyBliss] We were stretching. I pointed out that when you go to bed (or finally fall in bed), you could use the focus on gentle stretching to cause the stressful thoughts of the day to fade away.
Theresa has joined the chat.
[Maggie] say more about that...
[Maggie] hi theresa.
[KellyBliss] you cannot think about two things at one time. If you are focusing on the stretching and appreciating your muscles, you will let go of the stressful thoughts ... Hello Theresa.
[Theresa] Hi there
[Maggie] maybe that would help when i wake in the nite and can't shut my brain off too?
[KellyBliss] This even works at work. If you are at a stressful meeting, give yourself a hand massage (subtly so no one will notice). When you focus on the muscles of your hand, you will let go the stress of the meeting.
[KellyBliss] Yes! I used this distraction relaxation technique when I had trouble getting back to sleep.
[Theresa] If I can jump in ... exercise makes me sleep much better at night, as well as de-stress from work. It shocked me one day when I was at work and started thinking, "I can't wait to go to the gym!" That was so NOT me just a couple years ago
[KellyBliss] That is GREAT!
[calicocat] i wish i could get myself motivated to exercise
[KellyBliss] Once a person becomes a regular exerciser, this becomes apparent. However, until you get started, it is hard to imagine.
[KellyBliss] You don'
[Theresa] The hard part is getting started
[KellyBliss] t have to get motivated to exersize.
[Maggie] i walk, but not regularly.
[KellyBliss] you only need to get motivated to get dressed.
[Maggie] haven't been able to make it a habit.
[KellyBliss] then you only need to get motivated to warm up
[ladyluck216] Motivated isn't my problem, it's getting a 2 yr old to give me time!
[KellyBliss] once you do this, you will probably finish.
[KellyBliss] I remember having a two year old and a newborn. My heart goes out to you!
[calicocat] when i used to exercise, floor exercises, my little ones liked to do it along with me
[Theresa] That's true for me Kelly
[ladyluck216] mine screams and shuts off the tv
[KellyBliss] I actually trained my kids to either join in or leave me alone.
[Theresa] Yikes Ladyluck! How old?
[KellyBliss] where is super nanny when we need her?
[ladyluck216] seriously been considering it
[KellyBliss] there are TV stands that mount to the wall and could be put higher than the little darling could reach.
Theatrmuse_Kara has joined the chat.
[ladyluck216] even right now he keep trying to yank me off the computer
[Theresa] Hi Kara :-)
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Evening everyone! Hey Kelly
[KellyBliss] I have a cat trying to yank me off the computer...lol
[ladyluck216] Hi Kara
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Hi Theresa and ladyluck and all!
[KellyBliss] You know what I think the real subject is here?? ...
[ladyluck216] I've been told he will get better when his daddy comes home
[calicocat] my cat does that too....used to like to get down on the floor with me when i exercised too
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Sorry I am late
[Maggie] oh, Lady, i SOO feel for you....
[Maggie] is Dad in the military?
[KellyBliss] It is such a challenge to set boundaries ... to teach those around us that we deserve time and space.
[ladyluck216] yes, deployed to iraq for the last 7 months
[calicocat] i feel i don't deserve to ask for boundaries
[Theatrmuse_Kara] LOL, that's why I am late.....took time for a bubble bath!;-)
[Theresa] Calico, we all deserve our "me" time
[KellyBliss] Seriously, you should get the super nanny book and I should get a cat book. My heart goes out to you being with your little one all alone.
[Theatrmuse_Kara] That has got to be hard.....
[calicocat] you're right theresa
[Theatrmuse_Kara] you missing him, your child missing him and testing you, I bet
[ladyluck216] Thats the thing, Kelly. I've been trying to set boundaries, but I am just getting more stresses
[KellyBliss] Ah, asking for boundaries is the nicest, kindest thing you can do for your relationships.
[Maggie] People may not like it, Calico, but they will respect it when you're clear about it.
[KellyBliss] It can be frustrating. You will have to set the boundary between 3 and 300 times. But it is still worth doing.
[Maggie] Any time i've set a boundary, i find that almost the 1st thing that happens is it gets TESTED. REPEATEDLY. And finally....accepted.
[KellyBliss] Ladyluck, tell us how setting boundaries ends up giving you more stress?
[Theresa] I have to say, it was not until I made the decision to put my health first, that I was able to start exercising regularly... and I have not lost any friends or family over it.
[Theresa] And for me it was about boundaries ... not letting myself get pulled in other directions
[KellyBliss] Good for your Theresa ... literally!
[ladyluck216] I try to get him in bed around 7:45 so I can exercise, but every night he's like a jack in the box
[KellyBliss] With all the people I have seen over the years, I have only seen improved relationships when boundaries improve.
[ladyluck216] I end up spending 2-3 hrs just getting him to bed
[Theresa] It's been a very long, hard road... from being 425 lbs and in a horrible relationship 5 years ago, to 281 lbs today having done 45 min on the elliptical machine this morning!
[Maggie] oh my, and i'm remembering now that's about the age where they move from the crib to the toddler bed. A tough time!
[calicocat] that's wonderful theresa
[ladyluck216] he is constantly crawling in bed with me
[Theresa] Thanks Calico!
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Kelly, is it true that this time of year,....Fall is an unusual stressful time for most of us?
[ladyluck216] I want to be like you, Theresa!
[Theresa] I dunno about that Ladyluck... it's pretty weird being me, LOL
[KellyBliss] My kids still remember this... I told them LONG ...LONG bedtime stories... and RECORDED THEM. So my kids learned to use these Fisher Price tape recorders to hear many many stories FROM MOMMY. This was the beginning of self-soothing and self-care for them. [Theresa] It's gonna get weirder next week too ... I am starting school to become a personal trainer.
[KellyBliss] Teaching fitness is a good way to stay fit.
[Theresa] Also, I learned that it is cheaper to BECOME a personal trainer, than to hire one for any length of time! ;-)
[Theresa] I want to work with extreme weight loss clients.
[KellyBliss] I think the lesson of self care and setting boundaries is at the CORE of buildign your healthy lifestyle. I don't think we can do it without these two things.
[KellyBliss] Think about your day. What act of self care can you do for yourself in the morning?
[KellyBliss] Starting out your day with some act of self care sets the tone for the whole day.
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Getting up early and meditate or pray
[KellyBliss] this is a great goal... to think of at least one small act of morning self care.
[Theatrmuse_Kara] helps me
[KellyBliss] That sounds great ... talk about a great stress reducer!
[Theresa] Making myself a good breakfast instead of going to the drive-thru... that was a start for me. Nothing elaborate, even instant oatmeal ... makes me feel comforted and I know I have done my body a favor
[KellyBliss] Yes eating well first thing increases the chances of eating well later on too.
Melanie has joined the chat.
[ladyluck216] I have actually put on cartoons the last 4 mornings and cuddled with my dog
[KellyBliss] One mistake that is often made (hello Melanie), is to restrict your food all day ... and build a binge at night.
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Welcome Melanie
[Melanie] Hi Kelly and Kara
[ladyluck216] hi melanie
[Melanie] Sorry I came in late
[Theresa] I have done that! My trainer set me straight though ... told me to eat something every couple hours. I have been doing that since January and have lost 97 lbs since 1/18/06
[KellyBliss] I love the idea of starting your day with some positive thoughts or positive contact. Good for you.
[Melanie] that's quite impressive
[KellyBliss] Most of my clients who overeat are also nutritionally starved.
[Theresa] For quite awhile I really missed feeling full, but now I am used to it
[KellyBliss] Yes, eating often, with food that nurishes you is a great idea.
[Melanie] When I practice yoga regularly I don't want to overeat.
[Theresa] I can't even begin to describe how much better I feel.
[Theatrmuse_Kara] I need to eat often. Recently lost 71 pounds (since April) and trying to keep it up.
[Theresa] Way to go Kara!
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Hard to not yo-yo..............want to just be healthier
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Thanks, still a journey
[KellyBliss] So, we have three main ideas going here: 1.) Self-care, 2.) boundaries so you have time for self-care, 3.) Eating to nourish yourself so you do not build a binge.
Cathie has joined the chat.
[KellyBliss] Hi Cathie.
[Melanie] Hi Cathie
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Yes, Kelly!
[Theresa] <--- waves at Cathie
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Welcome Cathie
[KellyBliss] I will post the chat to my site, so don't worry if you miss some.
[ladyluck216] hi cathie
[Theresa] Kelly, I never thought of it that way ... "building a binge"
[Cathie] oh good, i can go back and catch up on what ive missed
[Theresa] Makes me realize that it takes time to build a binge, and I can stop and knock that sucker down before it happens!
[Maggie] hi again. i'm back. laundry. lol
[Theatrmuse_Kara] I certainly have noticed if I don't eat frequently with good choices..........the end is eating tooooo much in the evening!
[Theatrmuse_Kara] wb Maggie
[ladyluck216] i know if i have a more stressful day with my son, that night I will be eating everything in sight
[Maggie] i agree about eating something good for me at breakfast. Starts the day off well.
[Melanie] I find that when my digestion is working properly, I overeat
[Maggie] ty kara
[Maggie] what do you mean, melanie?
[Melanie] I find that when my digestion is not working
[Cathie] I am the same way, if I have a bad day, I tend to want to eat more too.
[Melanie] sorry typo, when my digestion is not working properly
[KellyBliss] I encourage people to focus on self care instead of weight in order to keep a postive focus. I have never known anyone who did not get frustrated with weight focus. However, self care focus is enjoyable and self sustaining.
[Theresa] I see. Melanie ... I have noticed that when I don't eat properly, is when my digestion goes a bit haywire. Especially if I eat too much fat.
[Maggie] How very true!!
[Theatrmuse_Kara] "focus on self care".....need to so remember that
[KellyBliss] When you feel like eating everything in site, you probably have needs that have nothing to do with food. Ask yourself: "what do I really need?"
[Maggie] self-care is something to build positive feelings from. i like it.
[KellyBliss] This is not an easy question, but it is worth asking.
[Theresa] In my case, it's, "What are you angry about?"
[Theatrmuse_Kara] or"what are you stressed about?
[Theresa] Anger is the thing that can still drive me to overeat
[KellyBliss] Ah ... anger is the energy to make things better (when used constructively)
[Maggie] anger. lonely too, surprisingly.
[Theresa] and now that I'm getting smaller, people treat me differently (better) ... and I'm not glad. I'm mad.
[KellyBliss] It is the fuel for the fire of self loathing if used destructively
[ladyluck216] Frustration or sadness does it for me
[Cathie] I understand completely. If I am angry or depressed i go to the fridge. use food as a comfort. even if im not hungry
[Maggie] yup, theresa. Been there. really ticked me off.
[Theresa] And when men flirt with me, I just want to slap them.
[KellyBliss] So, once you know what feelings are behind the urge to eat when not hungry ... ask youself what you can DO about your frustration, sadness, anger, etc.
[Theresa] That's the stumper, Kelly. Become a nun?
[Maggie] do that doesn't involve assault, right?!
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Being involved in the wize acceptance movement for over 20 years, I THOUGHT I was practicing self positive care................
[KellyBliss] It is NORMAL to use food to cope... it is just not the best way.
[Theresa] And I'm sure I would make a terrible nun.
[Theatrmuse_Kara] BUT I really believe there comes a time to stand up and take care of not only your brain, soul but body also!
[KellyBliss] I find myself in the bubble bath more often than the nunary.
[ladyluck216] I wish I could fit in my tub!
[Theresa] I have always hated the tub ... only had a tub, no shower when I was growing up.
[Melanie] ah a bubble bath sounds so nice
[Maggie] hey, theresa, if you're not wanting the attention, u could refer to your lover...or give them those stare-right-thru-them looks
[Maggie] i'm with u on that one, theresa...couldn't WAIT to get a shower!
[Hazel] I think that's my core issue. You hit it on the head, self-care as an umbrella for my weight change goals. Wow it is so hard to count myself in the top five or ten.
[Theresa] Maggie, I do stuff like that ... actually in my 20s I was thin too, and just cut off all my hair and quit wearing makeup. It was like a game -- how many people can I get to call me "sir" today?
[KellyBliss] Mine is very, very wide. I had my bathroom built so that my 500# friend would be comfortable when she visited. I have a great big bathroom in my teeny tiny house. I love it.
[ladyluck216] That's going in the next house!
[Theatrmuse_Kara] I have one of those garden tubs.....great to bubbles!
[Theresa] There's a gorgeous lake near my house ... :-D
[Maggie] wow, hazel. Sounds like a lightbulb mome
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Water always makes me feel free.........
[KellyBliss] Hazel, tell us more about what you mean..."self care as an umrella for your weight change goals"?
[Theresa] Me 2 Kara ... the saddest moment is coming out of the water and having to give up weightlessness
[Theatrmuse_Kara] yeah,until the next time!
[ladyluck216] I seriously had the idea I could drop 150 lbs while my husband was gone
[Theatrmuse_Kara] Have to run, thanks everyone! Have a mo blessed and successful week! Hugs, Kara
[KellyBliss] If you link weight loss to your self care ... and you don't lose enough weight ... or lose it fast enough ... you may give up on your self care. As far as I have seen in the 26 years I have worked with people, this seems like the #1 reason people stop
[ladyluck216] When I got Kelly's book, I realized I was looking at everything the wrong way
Theatrmuse_Kara has left the chat.
[Hazel] I read that you recommend people not focus on weight, but on self-care. That leads me to ? where to start. If I focus on weight loss, as I have been, I know to reduce portions, fi ght urges, look to the scale for it's "care" if I lose a pound. But what yo
[Melanie] i found that the pushing the rope metaphor very helpful
[Cathie] i have done that. had ideas of loosing all this weight, and I could do it in such a short time and when I don't loos it as fast, i stop, and just more back
[KellyBliss] Ladyluck, what if you changed your goal. ... what if you were going to have better self care each week ... so that by the time your hubby got back, you were in the habit of self care ... THAT is an attainable goal. Who knows what will happen to your weigh
[Maggie] wow, i really needed to hear this tonite....
[KellyBliss] I am so glad when we can help each other.
[KellyBliss] I needed to hear it too. LOL
[ladyluck216] That's what I'm trying. I figure me betting fat is no surprise to hubby, so trying things a different way can't hurt
[Theresa] I have a weight loss goal, but I can't focus on it every day. But my self-care, I can and do.
[KellyBliss] Yes, we can focus on self-care every day. This is a good note to end on.
[Melanie] thanks for the chat kelly
[KellyBliss] I will post the chat tonight, before I go to bed.
[Maggie] great. good nite all...great chatting w u!
[Theresa] Thank you so much! Have a good night all.
[ladyluck216] thanks so much Kelly!
[KellyBliss] I will be here next month ... first Tues