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Chat 008

[SuzieQ] self-care is not measured on the scale

[Maggie] AMEN!!!!

[KellyBliss] I think the key is to focus on a goal of self care (not a goal of weight loss). What ever happens with your weight will be a SIDE EFFECT of your self care ... not the goal.

[nancy] i know Kelly, I used to take pretty good care of myself, but food is my friend, my comfortoer

[KellyBliss] Nancy, you deserve BETTER friends and BETTER comfort.

[Maggie] i know what you mean, Nancy. Been there. Gets lonely, tho...

[catwoman10] I too find that when you can't get out and enjoy the things I use, too food seems to be my friend to Nancy

[SuzieQ] sometimes when i am unsure of what i need, i do a mini inventory and ask what i need physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually...and then try to meet one or more of those needs -- example - physical can be a bubble bath, fuzzy slippers,

[SuzieQ] flannel pj's, etc.

[KellyBliss] If food is your primary comfort, entertianment, relaxation, etc. Food is not the problem... Needing a better LIFE IS THE PROBLEM

[SuzieQ] i think for me, food is a SYMPTOM of the problem, not the problem itself

[KellyBliss] I like the inventory idea. I do that too.

[catwoman10] But it just feels like a vicious cycle

[nancy] i got bumped off the computer, what did you say about doing nice things, i lost that

[SuzieQ] the inventory helps me to figure out what i need when i feel clueless

[KellyBliss] I guess when I say tune in to what you need, I am suggesting that you really feel your feelings ... instead of stuffing them down with food.

[KellyBliss] dieting is a vicious cycle. But improved self-care is a delightful cycle

[SuzieQ] i find it helpful to remind myself that it's normal and natural to HAVE needs and that i deserve to have those needs met

[KellyBliss] Following a program is a vicious cycle ... but learning to make your own choices because you deserve the care ... that is a great cycle.

[KellyBliss] Here are the questions I often ask ...

[KellyBliss] Who am I

[KellyBliss] How do I feel

[KellyBliss] What do I need

[SuzieQ] when i make choices that don't work out, i try to remind myself that it's a process and i don't have to be perfect.

[SuzieQ] i also remind myself that the process is: do, evaluate, adjust, do, evaluate, adjust, etc.

[KellyBliss] If I really listen, the answer is food only when my belly is growling. Otherwise, I get all sorts of other answers that have nothing to do with food.

[nancy] tonight, i was going to bake two tempting items, one for work, one for my husband and one for some people who just moved in, i decided not to do it, andinstead take a bath, andi have new lotion, and put on my robe and knit, that is better

[catwoman10] good for you nancy

[KellyBliss] Yes, this is a PROCESS (not a program)... so you are always on your journey ...IF you keep tuning in and TRYING to take care.

[SuzieQ] sounds like you put your own needs first. CONGRATULATIONS!!! when we put our needs first, we have even more energy to giveto others, but we can't give from an empty "cup"

*************

[SuzieQ] what about motivation?

[Maggie] i SOOO need to hear this!!

[nancy] that will be good, *)

[KellyBliss] OK... motivation...

[SuzieQ] how do others GET and STAY motivated...for anything..maybe we can transfer that to otehr areas (for me, movement/activity)

[KellyBliss] we need to take care of ourselves BECAUSE WE DESERVE THE CARE

[SuzieQ] getting started seems difficult for me

[nancy] i think it is wonderful statement

[KellyBliss] we need to build lives for ourselves that meet our needs BECAUSE we deserve to have our needs met.

[KellyBliss] If this is your primary motivation, you cannot fail

[SuzieQ] but how do we start?

[KellyBliss] If you get sucked into weight loss motivation, you will be building your next binge.

[KellyBliss] Start with giving yourself a better goodnight tonight.

[nancy] that is true , tonight what can we do!!!!!

[KellyBliss] then do what you can for a better morning tomorrow.

[SuzieQ] i want to move/be more active b/c our bodies are made to move. it's not about weight loss. it's about health and that moving my body is good self-care and healthy choice

[KellyBliss] For my part, I am going to fuss with my hair. It relaxes me to cut my hair. What relaxes you?

[KellyBliss] Great SuzieQ

[KellyBliss] What do you NEED tonight??

[SuzieQ] Reading, music, listening to books on tape, etc.

[KellyBliss] that is the first question.

[Maggie] i have a foot injury, so i can't move much at all. Have had this since May. Just started physical therapy, hope it will help. But it has made me appreciate mobility in whole new ways i never did!

[nancy] oh that sounds fun, hair!!!!, I like to read, knit, call a friend, but always couple that with food, mostly after,

[SuzieQ] quiet time, soothing time.

[KellyBliss] Once you answer that question, then think of a way to meet that need as best you can'

[SuzieQ] i can meet those needs and apprciate your suggestion. i am having a struggle making the leap to start and maintain a more active lifestyle...movement and activity on a regular basis

[nancy] i never think of what i need, or want, just do the action, food, food, andthen relax and feel upset, it is a new way of thinking what do i really want and need at the time,

[KellyBliss] What about following your reading, knitting, or phone call with a lovely cup of tea to nurture yourself (instead of eating)

[KellyBliss] Well,then Nancy, you just found your key -- THINK OF WHAT YOU NEED!!!

[KellyBliss] That is the best thing you can do to start.

[Maggie] and that is such a foreign way of thinking...what do I NEED?!

[SuzieQ] maybe use a special cup for the tea...not some raggedy stained coffee mug...i find that small things like that make a difference

[nancy] that is a perfect idea, i never think of doing that i mean in the day time, but always have that FOOD thing there, like a friend, every night, who <never disappointmens me,"

[SuzieQ] i can usu, in a minute, get in touch w/someone else's needs...so we can use that same skill to get in touch w/our own needs

[KellyBliss] Regarding movement ... for most people it is a combination of finding something you really enjoy and giving yourself the structure to do it.

[nancy] good suggestions

[SuzieQ] can you say more about "the structure to do it?" i am not sure I get that...

[KellyBliss] Here are some more questions to ask yourself that will help you know what structure you need...

[SuzieQ] ok, i'm ready!

[KellyBliss] do I need the commitment of a fitness class to workout? will the group support help me?

[KellyBliss] Do prefer to workout on my own with a video or D

[Maggie] my experience with the food is that it DOES disappoint me...cuz it numbs the pain for awhile...but then i'm left alone again, and nothing has changed.

[Maggie] (responding to nancy)

[KellyBliss] Is the morning better for me to get my workout over before my day steamrollers me?

[nancy] i do agree, maggie, sort of leaving us flat,

[KellyBliss] ASK yourself what you need to enjoy your workout AND to encourage you to really do it.

[SuzieQ] kelly, these questions about structure are great!

[KellyBliss] Do you need to built it right into your day by walking to work?

[KellyBliss] Everyone is different. You can find what will work for you by think about what you need in your fitness or movement.

[nancy] yes i used to be an avid walker when i was fit and younger, now I am too embarassed, as I gained weight, i joined a walking club but quit because everyone was thin, well mostly

[SuzieQ] maybe you can be the rolemodel and others, of all shapes and sizes, may join

[KellyBliss] Good news, Nancy. As we age there are more plus size people in the waling clubs.

[nancy] i never thought it like that, good idea,

[SuzieQ] kelly - thx for the qeustions - i jotted them down and will journal about them

[KellyBliss] Yes, every time one plus size person goes out and walks, you make the world a little safer for others!