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Individual Chat Transcript
I will send out an email reminder.
[SuzieQ] A good topic might be dieting vs. food planning -- I still struggle sometimes w/healthy food planning that does NOT venture into the dieting arena. Perhaps additional feedback and suggestions?
[KellyBliss] I personally must watch my food very carefully. I am on a high fat anti-epilepsy diet.
[KellyBliss] I find the key is WHY a person is paying attention to food.
[KellyBliss] If I am dieting to lose weight... I get in deprivation and binge trouble.
[SuzieQ] My doctor dx'd me w/metabolic syndrome and I found a great book on the topic that seems realistic, regarding food planning and eating.
[KellyBliss] If I am planning my food carefully for some other reason, cholesterol, epilepsy, evening out blood sugar, then I find no binge reaction.
[SuzieQ] Key issue regarding WHY a person is paying attention to food;. A very good point. For me, balancing carbs and proteins is a way to manage the syndrome
[KellyBliss] Yes, I balance my carbs, fats, and proteins... but I MUST do all this because I love myself -- not because I dislike the size or shape of my body.
[SuzieQ] I want to follow a safe, effective, balanced food plan for the syndrome. The plan makes sense to me. It's not some crazy diet. But I want to safeguard myself and make sure that it doesn't become one. I want to guard against obsession.
[SuzieQ] Oh, absolutely. I don't want to get weight/number crazy.
[SuzieQ] Kelly, I really appreciate your comment about doing these things from a place of self-love and self-care, not self-hatred or self-loathing. An important point.
[SuzieQ] I find it's taking time to plan my meals and snax and tho I am a busy person (aren't we all) I am seeing the time I spend as an INVESTMENT in ME and that I am worth it!
[shelly] I'm enjoying he exercise because it'as been a very long time since I've moved
[SuzieQ] Ending Body Hatred...my journey started with using various tools -- reading about size-acceptance, participating in size-acceptance events, reading other self-esteem material, etc. I found it was a PROCESS, not an EVENT.
[KellyBliss] Appreciate the FUNCTION of your miraculous body.
[SuzieQ] Yes, appreciating what my body can do!
[KellyBliss] Appreciate what your body DOES for you (instead of how you wish it looks)
[Jo] Or what it still can do.
[KellyBliss] LOL, yes, time has a way with us!
[shelly] and how quickly it can be healed, even after just 3 weeks , I’m moving easier and feel better
[SuzieQ] I found that monitoring my self-talk was very important. When I found myself saying negative things to myself, esp about my body size/shape/weight, I would pause and re-write the statement into something positive.
[KellyBliss] also, surround yourself with images of people who look like you who you find pretty.
[Jo] Such as?
[KellyBliss] Catalogues, or websites of plus size people can really help
[KellyBliss] Plus size art can be amazing for changing your learned aesthetic.
[shelly] should I be upset at this, I joined and the owner of curves decided to tell others how great I'm doing and trumpet my weight, I am mortified and deeply ashamed of my weight and can't imagine why she would do this
[SuzieQ] Motivation for what? To do what?
[KellyBliss] There was a recent study that proved looking at fashion magazines makes women take less care of themselves!
[SuzieQ] Trumpet my weight -- you mean she announced it?
[KellyBliss] that is SOOOOOOO unethical
[shelly] Yes and told me this, I told her thinking it was in strict confidence, because I needed Drs. approval to join
[Tess] Wow, I'm kinda shocked, Shelly ... I would have felt violated too
[Tess] how unprofessional of her
[KellyBliss] you may need to defend yourself from some aspects of this place... like her
[SuzieQ] The owner has poor customer service skills and her actions should be addressed. You might want to consider talking privately w/her. Very unprofessional, unethical, possibly illegal.
[shelly] Is there a way for me to handle this, I’m not confrontational, but it's all I can think about and I live in a small town. alot of people know me and I'd die if other found out
[KellyBliss] Actually, Curves are often run by business people with little or no fitness trainging and less nutritional training.
[SuzieQ] She also owes you a public and private apology.
[Tess] As much as you hate confrontation, you might have to have one anyway...
[KellyBliss] ah... a public apology would draw more attention to private business
[SuzieQ] Maybe you can write it out and say/read it to her. I think the point is that addressing the issue would be helpful for YOU.
[Jo] Kelly, I've read your story about the put-downs you suffered from your husband (family). How did you keep from internalizing this challenge?
[KellyBliss] You could simply tell her privately that you will not PAY for their services unless you are assured of confidentiality. Money talks.
[KellyBliss] The best way not to internalize negativity is to give yourself an oasis of positivity.
[SuzieQ] you can ask for a refund or credit.
[KellyBliss] size friendly books, fitness videos, websites, etc.
[SuzieQ] What would resolve the situation/issue for you? What would be helpful for YOU.
[SuzieQ] positive and size-acceptance material help to reinforce the message that we are ok as we are, and that regardless of shape, size or weight, we strive to be happy, healthy, active.
[Jo] How did you do that, Kelly?
[KellyBliss] I will also say that my self-care is like a shield for me.
[shelly] To really make her understand how much she didn't respect my personal boundaries and her professional boundaries, to make sure that she never does this to nayone else. To make sure she knows how deeply this affected me un
[KellyBliss] When I take good care of myself, then I do not let their prejudice in.
[shelly] please forgive all my typos, i am the world's worst chat typist
[KellyBliss] join the club!
[SuzieQ] Sounds like the curves lady had her own agenda in mind during her broadcast, not your agenda, not your feelings.
[Tess] That is so true Kelly ... when I am having a bad day with my food or other choices, it's so easy to get caught in the trap of feeling bad about my body and my appearance.
[shelly] Yes that I would agree with
[KellyBliss] Shelly, when you defend yourself against the curves lady’s transgression of you... you actually HEAL some of your wounds.
[shelly] how? I'm just so hurt and angry right now
[Tess] Saying "no" to someone who has mistreated you is so empowering!
[SuzieQ] Shelly, we luv ya - typos and all. That's what this is all about -- caring for ourselves despite our imperfections...none of us is perfect. We are human, not perfect!
[KellyBliss] Ah, bad body thoughts are NEVER ABOUT OUR BODIES.
[KellyBliss] We should always ask ourselves..."What else is going on here?"
[Jo] You've lost me on asking what is going here?
[Tess] Yup, and if I'm eating junk food, the other thing that's going on is that I'm not caring for myself for some reason... and that reason has nothing to do with food
[KellyBliss] OK, if you are feeling bad about your body... ask yourself what else is going on... too much fat bashing TV? mid life crisis? fear of being a bad mom? the reasons are endless... but there is always a reason
[shelly] boy it's easy to think that eating poorly is nurturing isn't it?
[KellyBliss] It depends on your definition of "nurturing" or "giving yourself a gift"
[SuzieQ] I sometimes find that I feel angry and frustrated because I believed THEM, society, the so-called experts, etc. about what I should or shouldn't eat, how I should be, what I should weigh, etc. instead of paying attention to my own inner wisdom.
[Tess] Yes Shelly ... "comfort" food? Ha ha, what's "comforting" for a few minutes sure can cause misery in the long run!
[KellyBliss] If you think short term eating junk feels like that... but in the long term, other things really meet your needs better.
[shelly] yeah I hear ya, 49 and perimenopausal in a world that doesn’t appreciate my unique beauty, lolo
[KellyBliss] I often think of "now and later"...
[SuzieQ] I dont' think that food is the enemy. I think negativity and inaccuracies are the enemy.
[KellyBliss] What will make me feel better now AND LATER.
[SuzieQ] exactly. both need to be taken into account.
[KellyBliss] I make better choices for my self-care when I think that way.
[shelly] It's NOT the enemy?, when did we declare a detente
[SuzieQ] and to remember that EVERY choice I make is important -- sometimes I want to dismiss it and say, well, this one time won't matter...because it does matter...every time I erode my self-esteem it matters.
[KellyBliss] Also ... I am a cookie monster. There is no amount of cookies that is enough ... enough for what? I don't know. But I give myself cookies in individual portions so that I don'd need to wrestle with the cravings.
[KellyBliss] If more than a single serving is craved... it is not about the cookies at all.
[Tess] <--- laughing, thinking of Kelly doing an aerobics video in a big fuzzy cookie monster outfit
[KellyBliss] ah, yes.
[SuzieQ] that's part of making all food "legal" so that we can enjoy a portion without a boatload of guilt...it's not reasonable to thing that I'll never have a cookie or an ice cream cone ever again in my life.
[Jo] Is anyone else experiencing a fear of food?
[shelly] that's a good point suzy, ultimately our lives are made up of little choices
[Tess] I do, from time to time Jo
[KellyBliss] Yes, food is just food. It does not solve anything... it just nourishes or entertains ... or numbs ... etc.
[shelly] I do, I'm meeting friends at a restaurant with a buffet and I'm obsessing over it, too many choices
[Tess] I'm afraid that if I do allow myself things like cookies or candy, I will not be able to stop
[KellyBliss] I think the real issue is finding more effective ways to entertain, or chill out, or whatever.
[Tess] all or nothing thinking is just simpler somehow. Of course it can't work in the long run, so I am still working on finding that balance
[SuzieQ] when find i must eat at a buffet, (restaurant or whatever) i look without picking up a plate...make my choices, and then put on my plate what i am going to eat...it gives me pause to decide
[KellyBliss] I have found over time, that restrictive eating CAUSES binges instead of stopping them.
[Tess] Kelly, that would explain why I ate a whole box of protein bars last week ...
[KellyBliss] Yes, Tess, all or nothing is exactly the diet/binge cycle. the quest for balance has more to do with our lives than with our food.
[shelly] Good point keely, cuz' if I'm honest my LIFE is out of balance
[KellyBliss] Hi Robin, I will put a summary of the chat up on my site afterwards.
[Tess] It's good to have a place like this where I can come and be reminded of that too! :-)
[Jo] I made a wonderful dinner tonight for my family. I was thankful that it was time to run to the chat room which I did. I didn't have to overeat. I had half an apple instead.
[KellyBliss] If women put half the energy into our lives that we are told we should put into our 'figures' and 'diets', our lives and the world would be a better place.
[KellyBliss] Here is a question that really helps me...
[SuzieQ] we need to put ourselves first. we are socialized to put everyone else and everyone else's needs first...and ours last...but i find that when i put me first, i have so much more to give to others (family, friends. etc.) b/c my own needs ARE met.
[shelly] What would I have to think about if i weren't obsessing about my weight, that is truly scary to me
[Tess] That's a great thought ... I think I need to print that out, and paste it on my bathroom mirror!
[KellyBliss] Ah, yes, focusing on weight is often a red herring to keep us busy and avoid dealing with other things that need changing or balancing.
[SuzieQ] society obsesses about weight...and we've taken that on...we can also NOT tkae that one -- give it right back to them...on a silver platter!
[shelly] You're right, both of you SuzyQ and Kelly
[Tess] with a nice garnish ... :-)
[Robin] SuzieQ, very nicely said. It sounds easy but it not so easy to do. that is one of my struggles. putting myself first.
[SuzieQ] i just realized that obsession about weight (thinking, ruminating) keeps me from taking ACTION ... keeps me from self-care, etc.
[SuzieQ] it keeps me in the thinking mode instead of in action mode.
[KellyBliss] "What can I do to make my life better" THAT is the question... not "what am I going to eat or not eat"
[Tess] I can relate SuzieQ
[shelly] Self care, the only way I've ever allowed myself care in any way is through food, i'm going to have to rediscover myself
[KellyBliss] However, they affect each other. If I eat myself numb... then I don't have to fix anything. If I control myself into hunger, then I cannot think of anything else
[shelly] hmm.... that's re-discover, Yikes!
[SuzieQ] i had to learn other ways to take care of myself
[KellyBliss] I love the idea of rediscovering ways to care for the self ... non food ways... and food ways too.
[SuzieQ] i had to ask others what they do, read suggestions in books, etc. b/c i didn't know any other way to take care of me except w/food.
[shelly] What self care ideas do you all have
[SuzieQ] and i had to learn to enjoy food
[Tess] Here's a non-food way that is sort of a food way ... herbal tea. I have many different flavors. All good for me, and the warmth feels very good and nurturing
[Robin] me too suzie q. I couldn't even think of a non food way to nurture myself at one time. still alot of work to do.
[KellyBliss] manicures, calls to friends, bubble baths, rubbing in lotion, ... ok, I am vain.
[SuzieQ] self care: bubble baths, aromatherapy, soothing music, getting my nails done, treating myself to a great book
[SuzieQ] that's no vanity -- that's self care!
[Tess] Kelly and SuzieQ are twins!
[Robin] no, not vain Kelly, just doing things you enjoy.
[SuzieQ] separated at birth!
[shelly] Wow I thought I was alone in this....
[KellyBliss] knitting, gardening, making art, a lovely cup of tea at my picture window...
[Tess] I like stargazing. I even took an astronomy class
[KellyBliss] Yes, it is tough to build a menu of self care... but it is a great menu to build!
[Robin] how interesting, Tess.
[SuzieQ] asking what i want to do...what i might enjoy...letting myself try new things and not censoring ideas b/c t hey might be silly...refraining from judgment
[KellyBliss] rediscover your loves, your care, your life ... not your next food item
[Tess] Yes, that above all SuzieQ, don't judge, just be happy
[Jo] is good
[KellyBliss] food nourishes and entertians... other things change your day and your life
[KellyBliss] you each deserve your own care!
[Tess] Thanks Kelly ... I am going to make a nice cup of herbal tea now ..
[SuzieQ] i think that this chat is a form of self care, idea-swapping, and s haring struggles and triumphs.
[Tess] and drink to all your health. I'm glad I came in here tonight!
[KellyBliss] I am so glad that each one of you was her tonight!
[shelly] Good night all, so glad I came to the party
[Tess] hugs all around ... good night
[SuzieQ] a celebration of ourselves! good night from Chicago.
[KellyBliss] Take care! and good night!
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