Sign up for
Kelly's Healthy Living eNewsletter


About Kelly

Kelly Bliss’ Story

 • A Journey

 • I Am Angry

 • Obstacles or Opportunities

 • Can't Get No Satisfaction

From Yo-Yo Dieting to Self-Care

Redefine the Problem (It's NOT Weight)

Lifestyle Coaching

YOU Can Work with Kelly

Self-care Phone Line

Chat Summaries

Kelly on Self-Care

Philly Healthy Eating with Bliss

Client Journals

Kelly Answers Your Questions

Self-Care Excerpts-Don’t Weight

Plus Size Fitness

What is Fitness with Bliss?

12 Different Plus Size Workouts

Which Workout For You?

Fitness Tip of the Day

Philly Fitness with Bliss Classes

Plus Size Fitness Professionals 

Fitness Excerpts-Don’t Weight

Healthy Eating

Kelly on Healthy Eating

Healthy Eating Tip of the Day

Your Online Workbook

Quick Success Check List 

This Week at a Glance

Check Your Seasonal Progress

Eating Excerpts-Don’t Weight

Success Stories

Healthy Eating Success

Fitness Success

Relationship & Self-Care Success

Submit Your Success Story!


Current Issue

eNewsletter Past Issues

Sign-up or Change Address

Kelly’s Choice Shopping

Favorite Shopping

In the News

Kelly Bliss & Plus Size Yellow
   Pages In the News

Health Focus

Sleep Apnea Solutions

Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue

Depression Relief

Contact Me

Talk to Kelly

Media Contact Kelly

Public Speaking

Kelly Speaking at Your Event

Become an Affiliate

Join Kelly Bliss' Affiliate Program


Buy Kelly's Products Wholesale



> Back to Self-Care Excerpts List

Self-Care Excerpt from Don't Weight

Back Up, Don't Beat Up

What about the times when you really CAN'T get yourself to do something? You have tried and tried and you just don't do it. What then? It is very normal to beat yourself up. Most people have learned to reprimand and berate themselves when they "fail". You can develop a new way to think about things and replace the old unhelpful way of thinking.

When you try to get yourself to "just do it",

and you "just don't do it",

there is always an obstacle.

There is ALWAYS a reason.

It could be an internal or an external reason.

Instead of beating yourself up,

think about the obstacle that might be in the way!

Figure out a way around it, through it, or over it. Continue to problem solve and figure out what the obstacle is and how to cope with it. You are not a failure. You are on the path to accomplishing your goal. You are just in the middle of figuring it out.

Ask yourself what is getting in the way of accomplishing your goal: "I wonder what the obstacle might be." Open your mind and feelings to discover the possibilities. Keep your mind open and wonder about what those obstacles might be for as long as it takes. You do not have to come up with an idea right away. It may take days or weeks of wondering before you discover what the real obstacle might be. Once you know what gets in the way, you can make plans to solve that problem. When the obstacles are removed, when the problems are solved, you will easily be able to move forward. The best place to look for what gets in the way of accomplishing your goal is behind you.

Think about your own life and your goals. Let's say you wish that you were eating healthier foods. You look at your day, and you decide that you have a rather simple plan for healthy breakfasts. A few days go by and you do indeed succeed with your breakfast plans. You are taking this self-improvement one small step at a time so you can continue to feel successful. Good.

Now, you are ready to work toward healthy lunches. You intend to pack a lunch and bring it to work. That seems simple. It should be easy enough. You will just make yourself do it. Well, time went by, and you just did NOT do it. You don't know why. You may think to yourself: "It was such a simple thing. Anybody can pack a lunch. What the heck is wrong with me that I could not accomplish this one little thing?"

If you ever experienced this kind of thinking, you were "beating yourself up". It is normal to beat yourself up. It is just not helpful. Let's look at this thought process and see where you can change your way of thinking. Let's see where you could learn to "back up, don't beat up".

The choice to eat healthier lunches makes sense. It is the next thought, the idea "it is such a simple thing", that is just plain incorrect. Packing your lunch and getting ready to pack your lunch is not simple. It is the end result of a complicated process. In order to pack your lunch you have to "back up" and do some problem solving. Think about the morning to see if you have allowed enough time to pack lunch. If you need more time in the morning, you may need to back up and change your evening routine so that you can get up earlier.

Upon reflection, you may decide to pack your lunch the night before. What do you need to change about your evening routine in order to accomplish this? Do you have the ingredients for a healthy lunch? Do you need to incorporate a shopping trip into your week to make sure you have what you need? Back up again. What changes will you need to make to fit the shopping into your life? It goes on and on until you have solved the problems that got in the way of accomplishing your goal.

Did you notice? This is NOT simple! It is very achievable, but it is not simple. It is challenging. If you had known that this was a challenging task, then you would have been more patient with yourself, more likely to problem-solve, and more likely to accomplish your goal. You would have been more prepared to "back up". When you acknowledge that you are engaged in a challenging task, you increase your chance of success. Any goal that you do not achieve on the first attempt is a good opportunity to practice the skill: "back up, don't beat up".

©2011 Work It Out Inc., Plus Size Yellow Pages. Privacy Policy

Contents of site may be reprinted or distributed as long as the following statement is printed on every page:

By Kelly Bliss M.Ed., A.C.E. author of Don’t Weight, Eat Healthy & Get Moving NOW!
Call 610-394-2547, Email and
Lifestyle Watchers ® and Fitness with Bliss™

Site Design by Rossello Solutions